Euphemisms

Last Friday. At past 6 in the morning my phone beeped for the first text message of the day and it was;

Tol, kita tayo bukas, dlhn mo lhat ng aklat na pnhram ko sau. Richmond… I didn’t make it. (Bro, let us meet tomorrow, bring all the books I lent you. Richmond… I didn’t make it)

She didn’t mention, but by the sound of it the result of the June 2008 Nursing board exam has already been published. Screw everyone, but my thoughts immediately came upon my two bestfriends in college. I texted both of them. I carefully arranged my words. I said, “Lumabas na raw yung result. Kumusta?” (They say the result has already been published. What’s up?) I thought “kumusta” would be the best thing to ask than a straightforward inquiry of “did you fail or not?” I pressed the send button and waited for reply.

Eka was the only one who replied. She was like. ‘yup the result was published last night.”

I asked if she passed. She said yes but she said she has a problem. Apparently, our friend “B” was not as fortunate and she didn’t know how to break the news. What happened was the night before at 11, she texted “B” that she was already downloading the result. “B” replied saying to look for her name. She texted again saying she was still downloading the list. The text-exchange stopped. Eka didn’t see “B’s” name in the list. Eka was like, “Ayun. Hindi ko na sya tinext. di na rin nya ko tinext. Mon, anong gagawin natin nyan?” (that’s it. I stopped texting her. She stopped texting me. Mon, what are we gonna do now?)

So I was like, “Never be the one to break the bad news. just let her complete her grieving process. Let her grief. Let he mourn for her loss.” By this time some had already texted me that they also “didn’t make it.” For a moment I thought the phrase- I didn’t make it- is a kind of expression much like duh, gee, or tae.

At ten o’clock “B” finally replied. She said;

Mon, d n 2loy ung Zoobic Sfri ntn. I didn’t make it. (Mon, there wouldn’t be a Zoobic Safari for us. I didn’t make.)

Again, I noticed the euphemistic use of “I didn’t make it”. The text came like huge boulder of ice crushing right through my head. Apparently it was my idea. I told them weeks before that if ever the pass the board they should treat me to Zoobic safari, and they took it. We were very happy planning. I forwarded the message to Eka. It was amazing how an organization of mispelled words written in a tiny screen could bring an overwhelming sadness to me, to us. I pushed the replied button. I wanted to say “hey, a list of names is never enough to define who you are. We know you are better than that.” But that sounds cliche-ish and in pscyhiatry cliches are never therapeutic and totally uncool. So I said ” If you are willing you can borrow my materials. Or we can review together.” I pressed each key on my phone extra hard thinking that maybe if I make an indention on my keypad and with the sheer force of my thumb I can tell her how sad I am with what happened.

Eka texted me, I was texting the both of them but neither text each other. I cannot believe how much a few characters on my phone can have such a compelling effect on my emotion. We, the three of us, were very much unhappy. I felt so bad. I even forgot to congratulate Eka.

NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC: Nursing Board Exam Results for June 2008

I, Richmond Querubin Acosta, 20 years old of sound mind and body and soul, hereby solemnly swear that I did not take the Philippine Nursing Licensure Examination last June 1 and 2, 2008.

I hereby reiterate that I was a one of the victims of an unscrupulous scheme last summer in the Northcap Review Center, the review center that I have attended, and therefore was not able to take the board exam last June.

Hence, let it be known that due this tragic incident my name is in no way possible will be printed among the long list of very fortunate and deserving people who passed the said examination.

I hereby request for all the people to stop sending texts and messages full inquiries, consolations and utmost sympathy for my perceived failure to pass an examination that in REAL LIFE I haven’t really taken yet.

WHAT I REALLY, REALLY AM DYING TO SAY IS…

I haven’t taken the board exam that’s why my name was not listed among the board passers. So please stop asking if I really failed, or why I failed, or you are very sorry because I failed. I mean… C’MON people I know you have some other better things to do than pissing me off, right?

BARBERcue battle against the barber saga chapter VII

I was texting a friend last night and somehow the conversation ran to my close attitude towards spending. My friend recounted my stinginess in college and though her stories were sordidly exaggerated, still truth peers from each of her stories. And I further realized that today.

As I again entered the barbershop this morning, I realized that I always enter the crappiest and cheapest barbershops in town. I noticed that the barber need not to wet my cheeks and my nape to shave the sidebeards and my backhairs since they were already wet with sweats. The barbershop has three orbit fans, but due to cobwebs that seemed to have entangled among their blades, the room temperature just increases as the air inside slows down and lazily sweeps around the area. The barbers were smoking and outside you could here the tricycle drivers exchange remarks as their coins hit the ground while they play their favorite pasttime, cara y cruz.

So I thought, “WHY NOT BRING MY STINGINESS ONE STEP FURTHER?”.

Nope, I am not in any way planning to cut my own hair. I realized that if I can ask extra cellphone loads from my sisters, why not from you? WHY NOT FROM YOU?

And I even made a poster. I decided not to post my phone number yet since I wanted to know what will be your take on this brilliant idea.

(Click Image to Enlarge) This is my ad for my "SEND MONMON A LOAD" campaign. Tell me its brilliant.

And I asked- “Why am I so Thin?” And I Finally Got the Answer After 48 Years.

My Thyroid Ultrasound

Although much has been said about people who feel that they are overweight, often overlooked are people who feel that they are thin.

I could easily lose 10 lbs of weight by just skipping a lunch and a dinner while it would take me to four days just to gain back that much of weight. I remember myself, when I was in high school, pouring cooking oil on my rice, but to my dismay, the greasy feel of cooking oil mixed with rice didn’t suit my tastebuds. As soon as I engulfed the whole thing I immediately vomited everything on my plate.

In the pursuit of a heavier weight, I tried almost everything. Even to the point of drinking a whole adult dose of Anti helminthic drug thinking that I might have some intestinal parasites but nothing came out, nothing happened. So I visited a local clinic to take my Thyroid Profile.

And I finally got the result last Monday. Before the doctor can even say her diagnosis I have already discerned what her diagnosis would be. I had a glimpse of the lab result as the nurse waved it to my face as she beckoned me to the doctor’s little room. Her diagnosis was nothing more than just a confirmatory remark that I have indeed have the condition of Hyperthyroidism.

I told the doctor that I am BS Nursing graduate so she explained everything using the terms I am used to. My TSH (which is released by the Pituitary gland) is in normal level, but my T3 and T4 (both released by the Thyroid Gland) are significantly elevated. She suspected that there might be some growth of nodules or cyst or tumors in my thyroid. She let me palpate my thyroid with her. We didn’t feel anything but she wanted to be sure so she referred me to a hospital where she is affiliated.

YESTERDAY- I called the hospital and I was scheduled at 2PM. I texted everyone in my phonebook who were within the hospital’s vicinity to accompany me, but only Prinsesa Musang was kind enough to reply. I waited for her in our university since she was out dining with her family in a restaurant but I got really impatient so I left (texting her to just see me in the hospital) and went to the hospital at 1:30.

I went straight to the ultrasound room and knocked. The door was opened by a former classmate in RedCross training. She is the nurse. I smiled at her; she didn’t seem to recognize me so I said, “Remember, RedCross?” I showed her my RedCross Tshirt which I was wearing, “and I think we are friends in Friendster.” She looked at me inquiringly then looked at the referral I gave her; she saw my name and brightened up. She remembers my name but not my face (I remember her face but not her name). She asked what was my schedule so I said 2PM, she smiled yet again and said, “Of course you know how it is really is here, right. I know you are already aware that when the doctor says 2, that doesn’t mean that you’ll have your turn when the clock strikes two.” Memories of a child puking a bloody vomit on my face and a doctor that wouldn’t come came spinning back from my memories, I smiled back and said, “Of course, I do.”

I waited, and waited. At exactly 2 PM a doctor came from the ward and called a 12 or 13 years old girl inside. I was like, “wow, he was early.” I texted Musang to hurry up since the doctor was already there. I waited for my turn and for Musang.

Musang came at 2:32, the same time when the doctor has finally made the first sign of leaving. I was perplexed. Didn’t the nurse tell him that a patient was still waiting for him outside? Musang berated me that she still has a class with Maam Lugtu, our adviser in the only organization that we both joined in college. She called her and let her talk to me. I remember answering her question why it should be Musang who has to accompany me with a joke, “Para tumibay ang aming pagkakaibigan.hahaha” (To strengthen our Friendship)

And our friendship grew stronger as our asses finally take roots on our seats. Boy, I could have sworn seeing some leavessprouting out from our hair as we waited in eternity for my turn, until the doctor finally opened the door, carrying with him his little bag. He looked at me and walked straught to the exit. Now that really confused Musang as well, she told me to ask when my turn will be so I went inside the little room and asked. They said that my doctor has not come yet, and the doctor who looked at the 12 years old girl was an OB. It seemed that we were waiting for another kind of doctor, the kind of doctor that will kill an emergency case patient, not because of hemorrhage or complication, but of the long wait. It was already 3:15.

We waited and waited and waited until the doctor finally came at 4:00. The doctor seemed like in a hurry. He didn’t even say anything. He proceeded with the whole procedure which lasted for only 30 seconds. I paid the bills then they printed the result. The result was:

ULTRASOUND OF THE NECK

The Thyroid is normal in size and echopattern. The right lobe measures 3.6×1.2×1.0 cm while the left lobe measures 3.3×1.3×1.0 cm. No solid or cystic nodules evident.

Isthmus is unremarkable.

Both carotid and jugular vessels are unremarkable. No enlarged lymph nodes evident.

SUMMARY

Normal study.

That’s it! I waited for 2 and a half hours just to undergo a procedure that lasted only for 30 seconds. And I paid 700 Pesos for a result that is summarized by the phrase “NORMAL STUDY.” Anak ng putik, I NEED SOME JUSTICE!!!! Yes, I should be glad that the result is “NORMAL STUDY” but c’mon… I mean C’MON!!!

TODAY- I went to my doctor and gave her the Ultrasound result. She asked me if I was treated well, I said, “NO the doctor took ages to come.” She was quite embarrassed, especially she knows that I know what I am talking about – HELL I AM A NURSE.

Songs that are Keeping Me Up lately

My Birthday is on August, and I would like to have either of the two albums of these singers as a gift.